New York - UN Secretary Kofi Anan stated today that the Security Council's Fact-finding Mission to the war-torn Palestinian Territory will be delayed yet again. Originally scheduled to visit the besieged Jenin refugee camp ages ago, the mission is now set to leave for the Mid-East as soon as Jesus Christ returns to Earth. The return is often referred to as the Second Coming. Israel's Ariel Sharon has objected in the past to the make-up of the proposed mission, saying that too many objective viewpoints are represented in the group. Secretary Kofi Anan, after rising from a kneeling position at the feet of Mr. Sharon, stated he was in full agreement with whatever.

Meanwhile in Washington, Secretary of State Colin Powell, Whitehouse Press Secretary Arie Fliescher, and some little guy from Texas representing the oil industry are formulating official policy, press releases, and subliminal messages stating the Administration's various positions in the parallel universe it has created. "War is peace", noted Mr. Powell as he was introduced by Fliescher at a recent press conference in the Whitehouse Briefing Room. Fliescher, for his part, indicated at an earlier briefing that "Ariel Sharon is a man of peace". The little guy from Texas, looking somewhat confused, spoke briefly as well. It was all very brief.

After receiving their orders, the Whitehouse Press Corp then adjourned to the National Press Club for a sumptuous meal, a few rounds of drinks on the house, and some general back-slapping and venal gossip.

At this time many Palestinians remain confined to their homes without food or water, surrounded by Israeli forces who invaded their territory weeks ago as the rest of the world stood by. Yesterday, a Palestinian terrorist was shot dead after launching what was described as a deadly missile at a heavily armed Israeli tank. A witness to the event claimed that the man had thrown a rock, but after he was shot dead everyone agreed it must have been a missile. It is reported that the Israeli Defense Force will continue its peace mission into the foreseeable future. That future, however, remains to be seen.

UN Puts Off Mid-East Fact-Finding Mission
Until Second Coming
By Clark Kent of the Daily Planet

Posted on the Independent Newswire on 29 April 2002

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